Chapter 10 (Bad Idea)

Last Time......

Shawn was in tears and so was I, even though I never met Jessica's mother I felt sorry for her Jessica and Shawn. I raised up a little and wiped Shawn's falling tear and I told him that we will find Tasha and get help for her. He nodded his head yes and sniffed a little then I kissed his forehead which exposed my body a little. Then I kissed his lips, I couldn't help myself. I know I said I needed to heal before Shawn and I took things any further but I knew my healing process was over because I was in love. I was ready to go the distance with him but this time he stopped me.


(Beyonce) What's wrong
(Shawn) Bey I don't want you feeling sorry for me. I don't want petty sex
(Beyonce) Shawn I really wanna do this. I love you
(Shawn) I love you too but I can't do this at lease not right now. You wasn't ready at first and now I'm not. I'm just really messed up in the head right now. I need time to think.
(Beyonce) Ok I understand you're still in love with her
(Shawn) I think I should probably leave while you finish your bath. Goodnight.
(Beyonce) Goodnight


(Beyonce POV)


Shawn kissed me on the cheek and left. I was shocked he turned me down especially after all the flirting he does. Maybe it was a good thing I turned him down, but now I want him.


Now......


*A few Days later back in NY*


(Beyonce POV)


I was sitting in Jay's living room browsing the internet for jobs. I never really had a job before because Idris has been taking care of me since we graduated out of college, so my degree in law has been buried deep in my closet. My dream is to became a singer but its taking a little longer then I expected and I have a daughter to take care of so I have to find a job. Shawn told me not to worry about working, he told me to focus on my music career and he'll take care of everything else. I told him that was nice in all but I really should get my own apartment. Of course he asked why and I just told him that I want to be independent, which was the truth just not the whole truth. The whole truth is every since Florida I've been feeling kind of awkward around Shawn. 


(Shawn) Hey Bey *sitting next to Beyonce*
(Beyonce) Hey
(Shawn) What are you doing? Still looking for a job?
(Beyonce) Yep, and I found this law firm who is hiring new lawyers. I have an interview tomorrow morning at 9.
(Shawn) I told you you didn't have to work
(Beyonce) I know but I want to. Tavia and I need a place of our own.
(Shawn) Well if that's how you feel I'm not going to try to stop you
(Beyonce) Thanks, but can I ask you something
(Shawn) Sure
(Beyonce) Jessica wants me to help her find her mom
(Shawn) No. Beyonce
(Beyonce) Shawn she deserves to know the truth about her mom
(Shawn) I said NO! now please drop it
(Beyonce) Fine.


The next morning I got up around 7to get ready for my interview. I dressed in a black business suit with a white ruffled shirt that poured out of the jacket with some 4inch red bottoms. I then straighten my hair and put on a hat which put my whole look together. I left the house at around 8:15 and arrived at my interview around 8:45 which was perfect because I wanted to get there early. During my interview I knew the owner of the law firm was skeptical about hiring me because I never practiced law before. He said he usually hired lawyers with more experience and told me he would call me. I knew he wasn't gonna call me but I refused to give up. So by the time I was done putting up a fight he said that I was very persistent and he liked that about me so he offered me the job. 


(Beyonce) Ohmygod thank you so much, you will not be disappointed
(Ryan) I'm sure I won't be. I'll see you on Monday.
(Beyonce) Thank you, but can I ask you one more thing
(Ryan) What is it
(Beyonce) I know I just started and this maybe asking for to much but can I get an advance? I'll pay the money back, I have a daughter and we need an apartment.
(Ryan) Look I don't know
(Beyonce) Please
(Ryan) Look I'll talk it over with my partners and call you later if something happens
(Beyonce) Ok that's all I ask
(Ryan) Ok it was nice meeting you and I'll see you Monday
(Beyonce) Nice meeting you too. 


I waited around for that phone call and I never got it. Now I'm not someone who begs anyone for anything so I just said fuck it. Plus I had some money in the bank that I got from Idris during our divorce and more that I just put away for a rainy day. I was planning on saving it for Tavia's college fund but since I'm working now I'm sure I can put the money back. So with that the next day I was out of Shawn's house. 




(Bey's Condo)


(Beyonce) So Tavia how do you like our new home
(Tavia) I like my other room better
(Beyonce) Tavia that wasn't your room, it was Jessica's room
(Tavia) It was both our room
(Beyonce) Ok Tavia. Lets go get dress so we can get out of here.
(Tavia) Ok!


(Jay's house)


(Jessica) I miss Tavia and Beyonce
(Shawn) They've only been gone for two days
(Jessica) I know but I still miss them
(Shawn) Do you wana go out for dinner and ice-cream
(Jessica) Not really
(Shawn) Come on I promise not to sign any autographs and we can take a bodyguard so the paparazzi won't come to close
(Jessica) Where is my mom
(Shawn) I don't want to talk about your mom
(Jessica) I heard you talking I know she's sick and lost. We need need to find her
(Shawn) Jessica I said NO! Now do you wana go out or not
(Jessica) NO!! I'm going to my room
(Shawn) Fine well I'm going out. 


(Shawn POV)


I told my hired help I was leaving and to keep an eye on Jessica and then I left. I can't let Jessica around her mom at lease not until I know for a fact she was ok.


(Bey's House)


(Beyonce) Tavia your shoes are on the wrong feet, switch them around please
(Tavia) Ok
(Beyonce) Do you need my help
(Tavia) No


(Beyonce POV)


Tavia is four going on 5 and she likes to do things on her own now which was a good thing. After Tavia fixed her shoes we was about to head out until my phone started ringing and when I looked at the number I was surprised.


(Beyonce) Hello
(Jessica) Beyonce its Jessica
(Beyonce) I know. Is everything ok
(Jessica) No
(Beyonce) Jessica what's wrong 
(Jessica) It's my dad he wont tell me anything about my mom and he don't even want to look for her
(Beyonce) Jessica I tried talking to him about it and he wasn't really trying to hear what I had to say.
(Jessica) Could you take me to go look for her
(Beyonce) Jessica I don't-
(Jessica) *crying* Please Beyonce she's my mom
(Beyonce) Jessica I can't your father would kill me
(Jessica) Please Beyonce what if it was your mom. *crying*
(Beyonce) Jes-
(Jessica) Please
(Beyonce) *sighs* Ok. I'll pick you up in 15 minutes and make sure your dad knows you're leaving.
(Jessica) Ok. Thanks. Bye
(Beyonce) Bye.


I know this has "BAD IDEA" written all over but I just couldn't bring myself to say no to her. Ugggg Shawn is gonna kill me if he finds out.


(Beyonce) Tavia are you ready
(Tavia) Yes
(Beyonce) Ok good because there has been a change of plans
(Tavia) Where are we going then
(Beyonce) I don't know
(Tavia) You don't know
(Beyonce) Nope, so lets go
(Tavia) Okaaaaaaaay


After I picked up Jessica we searched everywhere for Tasha. Now I had no idea of what she looked like so really our fate lied in the hands of a 10 and half year old. I constantly ask myself why am I so nice. To be honest searching for Tasha could ruin any chance I may have with Shawn.  Well anyway we looked everywhere and we couldn't find her. So we stopped in a restaurant to pick up something to eat, well actually it was more like an old fashion diner with a television and jukebox. So while we were enjoying our dinner something caught Jessica's eye.


(Jessica) Beyonce look
(Beyonce) At what?
(Jessica) The television its my mom


Dang I was kind of hoping that we didn't find her that way I wouldn't have to explain to Shawn why I went behind his back. Looking at Tasha on the news made me wonder how can such a beautiful women in up like she did. I mean she looked smart and she looked like a normal business women, but I guess looks can be deceiving. The news said she was found on a street corner past out. They said she was ok but is listed as a John Doe because she had no identification on her. They said the only thing she had in her purse was a picture and that was what they was showing on the screen. It was a picture of holding a very young Jessica.


(Jessica) Could we please go see her
(Beyonce) Jessica I don't know
(Jessica) But you promised
(Beyonce) Ok. Finish eating and then we can go
(Jessica) I'm done now
(Beyonce) Tavia are you done
(Tavia) Not yet
(Beyonce) Ok take your time
(Jessica) No!! Hurry up Tavia
(Tavia) Don't rush me!!
(Beyonce) Jessica we will get there
(Jessica) Ok


Tavia was done eating after 10 minutes. She only had a few thing left on her plate to finish so I don't understand what took her so long to finish up. My guess would be that she is just messing with Jessica. Any who after we left the diner we went to the hospital and the nurse took us right to Tasha's room. When we walked in Jessica took one look at her mom and fell to the ground crying. I dropped to the grown and held her and tried to calm her down. I knew this was a bad idea. Tasha looked horrible, she looked nothing like the picture they had shown on the news. She looked almost like she was beaten, drugged, and everything else. I help Jessica off the floor and she was still crying and upset. Tasha wasn't woke yet so I decided to leave but of course before we made it out the room Shawn was coming in. I guess he watched the news too how ironic is that right smh. When I saw him I felt like this could not be real. I mean like in real life we would of made it out the hospital and Shawn wouldn't of caught us. Him catching us made me feel like I was living in a really messed up fairy tale like in a book or a movie, this could not be happening.


(Shawn) Beyonce what are ya'll doing here!
(Beyonce) I'm sorry
(Shawn) I don't need your sorry! Look at Jessica, I told you I didn't want her anywhere around Tasha. 
(Beyonce) Shawn listen 
(Shawn) I don't want to hear what you have to say, you went behind my back. Jessica is my daughter you had no right to do this
(Jessica) *crying* Daddy it's my fault please don't be mad a Beyonce
(Shawn) Beyonce is an adult. She did this with out her driving you wouldn't be here. She could of said NO!!
(Beyonce) I think we should go. Come Tavia and Jessica
(Shawn) I want you to take Jessica back to my place because after tonight I don't want you around her anymore
(Beyonce) Shawn that's not fair, please don't do this
(Shawn) You heard what I said. As-A-Matter-Of-A-Fact I'll take her home. You can just leave
(Beyonce) Fine!


I left without saying another word. I mean what could I say what I did was wrong. I know he didn't
 mean what he said about me not seeing Jessica anymore. I mean at lease I hope he didn't. I arrived back home at about 11:30pm and I gave Tavia a bath and put her to bed. Then I took a shower and climb into bed. I tossed and turned until about 2:30am, I couldn't sleep because my mind was on Shawn so I decided to call him. I knew he wouldn't be sleep because he was like ummm what ever kind of animal that don't sleep. The first two times I called I didn't get an answer, so I tried one more time and he answered.


(Shawn) What
(Beyonce) I know you're mad but please can we talk
(Shawn) No, now please stop calling me. For now own I want to keep our relationship strictly business. So with that being said for now on only call me when it's about your album. 
(Beyonce) Shawn but-
(Shawn) I'm not done. Since our relationship is strictly business now only call me during normal business days and hours and no Saturday is not a business day and this right now this is not a business hour it's 2:40am so if you need me call me Monday between 9am and 6pm.
(Beyonce) Shawn can I please talk
(Shawn) Bye Beyonce


*Click*


After that conversation I couldn't help but cry. I know he wasn't just gona trash all the feeling he have for me away because of one mistake. I really wanted to call Jessica to see how she was doing but that really wouldn't be a good idea so I cried myself to sleep.


(Shawn's POV)


I knew what I said to her was kind of harsh but I couldn't let her get away with this. Jessica actually cried for about four hours. I had to explain to my 10 year old daughter what drugs and prostitution was and how it affect's her mother. Of course that made her cry even more and then she said she hated her mother. Which was the exact thing I was trying to avoid. I never wanted Jessica to hate her mother especially when I knew Tasha would get better one day. I guess my conversation with Jessica really got to her because she woke up twice during the night crying and eventually asked to sleep with me. Of course I told her yea and soon after she climbed into bed with me she went to sleep. After about a hour of watching her sleep I went to sleep after her.


************************************************************************************************************


(Beyonce POV)


Its been about two week and I've only talked to Shawn maybe 4 or 5 times during business hours like he asked. I haven't seen or talked to Jessica since that day at the hospital and I felt awful. I guess Shawn really meant what he said, but anyway I was just getting off work and heading to the studio. Tavia was at my sister's house playing with my nephew. Solange said she would watch Tavia while I worked which was great because she don't start school until next year. Anyway I just arrived at the studio and when i walked in I saw the usual people Ty Ty, Kanye, and some other people from Roc-Nations but still no Shawn. I was a little sad but it was fine I guess. I was just a little pissed about me having to go in the studio to sing a crappy love song but its whats ever. I went into the booth and started recording I Rather Be With You and soon I was lost in the music and everything and everyone around me disappeared.


(Shawn POV)


After I dropped Jessica off at cheerleader practice I decided to go to the studio so I could talk to Beyonce. When I walked into the studio I saw Beyonce in the booth recording and I felt so bad because of what I did. I finally gave Jessica a chance to tell me everything that had went down that day and even though what Jessie told me still don't excuse Bey's actions it did make me forgive her. Tasha was out of the hospital and back into rehab and she promised to finish this time which was good. After seeing Tasha in the hospital I realized that me and Tasha are over for good. I realized I wasn't in love with her anymore but I still did love her. I was in love with Beyonce she was the one who had my heart. When I'm with her I'm my happiness and when I'm away from her nothing seems to make me happy. These past two weeks has been nothing but hell without her so I was ready to have her back in my life. I just hope she forgives me. I asked everyone to leave the studio and of course they was asking why but I was on a mission and I didn't feel like explaining. After they left I walked into the booth and stud right behind her. I guess she was so caught up in the music because she didn't even notice me until I turned off the music.


(Beyonce) What going on?


(Beyonce POV) 


I looked out the studio window and noticed everyone was gone, then I turned around and I saw Shawn standing right behind me.


(Beyonce) What are you doing here?


(Shawn POV) 


As soon as she turned around to speak I kissed her. I didn't feel like explaining myself so I just went for it. I started tonging her down and she was letting me and I was surprised. I pushed her into the wall with out breaking the kiss.


(Beyonce POV)


I really didn't know what was going on but if I had to guess I would say he forgave me. I was really enjoying our makeout session until I felt his hands trying to take off my shirt so I stopped him.


(Beyonce) Wait!! Please explain to me what's going on here
(Shawn) Look Beyonce I'm sorry about everything ok. Jessica told me everything and I feel awful about what I did to you. So do you forgive me?
(Beyonce) Of course I forgive you


(Shawns POV)


I was so happy she forgave me so I picked her up and sat her on top of the table. I wanted her right now but of course she stopped me again.


(Beyonce) Shawn I can't do this
(Shawn) What why I thought-
(Beyonce) No I mean I can't do this here, this is our first time so I want it to be romantic. And this right here is not. So come on lets go back to my place.
(Shawn) Ok


 To Be Continued.....